Why no refined sugar and caffeine?

The short answer to my question title is "taking responsibility for why I can't lose weight."  I had decent eating habits, I didn't really binge out and since 2000 was consistently active.  But I just didn't drop pounds as easily as I did when I was younger.  Yes, I had heard all the stories how your body changes as you get old.  Here are some things I know:  Since 1995, I had consistently drank a Cafe Americano(s)---espresso filled with water and I usually had a Venti or a large.  This was triple espresso times three (accounting for the Large).  I consistently craved sugar or high fructose corn syrup.  I didn't eat a lot of desserts but I consistently ate red licorice (my drug of choice).  It was fat free, so I was OK....riiiight!!!
In 2004, I did lose some pounds on WW but I was following the plan and limited my coffee and sugar.  I even thought to myself that there might be something to this.
I had started reading some detoxing books because I just wanted to feel good and they all talked about sugar and some talked about caffeine.  Dairy was not a problem because I had been lactose intolerant since I was 13 and I am not the ice cream, creamy, milk person.  My dairy is cheese, but very limited.  I also have an intolerance to most nuts, garlic & onions.  I think this is why I did so well on the low/no carbohydrate diets,  meat and vegetables.  Basically, everything upsets my stomach except sugar and caffeine.  I think I was denial over this also.  You mean I have to give up sugar and caffeine too!!!! WTF.
Soon detoxing gave way to me trying a few things, first giving up refined sugar.  I had made up my mind not to eat sugar in 2010 until my birthday when I would have a piece of cake or cheesecake.  I have to admit, honestly, it wasn't that bad.  Stayed away from desserts and my licorice/candy gluttony; stuck to fruit, a little Equal with my coffee (Pink and Yellow packets irritate my stomach).  
I was very mindful (and still am) of events and where I will be to not eat sugar.  So my birthday is September 5th (this is usually Labor Day weekend).  I was in Barbados and was taken to a great dinner and had my birthday slice of cheesecake.  So a few things happened after this, we had an awful trip home and it stressed us both out to the point where I felt he blamed me.  I turned inward with my emotions and bought some candy to soothe me in the airport.  I got back to Detroit and went to find my best friend's grave site and could not find it, found it and burst into tears.  I think this was more over the relationship than not being able to find the grave site.  Went to a hair appointment and stopped by a great place for more candy and continued this for 15 more months.
I remember feeling out of control again and like a drug addict could not stop eating the HFCS and gaining back that same 30-40 lbs, again!!!.  Now, I am sure many of you are thinking, one slice of cheesecake and a stressful situation, that's it!!! For an alcoholic, it's one drink and for a drug addict it's one hit of their drug of choice; Yes, it's like that for a food addict---it's a trigger. For me sugar combined with a stressful situation equals disaster. The realization was startling for me, but I had my answer---MY ANSWER!!!!
I say my answer because it's not the answer for everyone and someone will immediately say to themselves, "I cannot give up sugar."  Our minds can be in denial about many things but I feel that if we are not able to lose weight, something is preventing us from losing the weight.  There are medical conditions, the thyroid, the this, the that but unless you are insistent with your PCP---a person may never find out the medical condition and if they do---unless it's a death sentence, a person should still try to lose weight (I really am not trying to offend anyone here, I just want to be an advocate for getting the weight off and maintaining the weight loss.)
The caffeine part was easy, I was having major surgery in 2011 and my doctor asked me to stop drinking coffee and limit the caffeine and I didn't ask "Can I just have one cup?" so that the doctor could say yes, that will be OK.  She asked me to stop drinking it and I did.  I haven't had coffee since April 2011.  I have had a little Diet Coke, just because I was out and they don't have caffeine free and once every several months if I see a caffeine free Diet Coke in 7-Eleven, I will buy it and drink it over several days.  I think it's just a taste thing, I don't worry about it but it is a chemical and I would like to no longer want that taste also. Also, for me decaffeinated coffee has many chemicals and I don't have to drink it.
I am not a fan of swapping one thing for another; I just do without.  This works for me because I am single and my daughter does not live with me.  But sometimes in social situations, especially with no sugar, I may want to bake something with date sugar or maple sugar---two excellent substitutes, to bring.  This helps because if you are socializing, you should stay more than 5 minutes and then what?  So if something is there that I can eat then I don't feel deprived, and so on and so forth!!!
This past Fall I was feeling a little nostalgic and asked my daughter if she wanted me to bake Vegan Zucchini Bread.  My daughter is vegan and I am not; but compromising our two situations works really well.  I used a recipe here  and here.  The compromise is less turbinado sugar and use a quarter cup of pineapple juice and a little more natural apple sauce.  I wanted to see how the turbinado sugar would affect me and it didn't.  I was happy and knowing this helped me through the holidays.  I decided that my little experiment in the Fall would help, so my cookie of choice to make and share was a Gingersnap or Molasses cookie.  Again, I followed a vegan recipe with decent results, I liked them and my daughter could take them or leave them.
This is what is working for me and everyone is different.  I get a ton of compliments about my skin also which I attribute to no sugar and no caffeine.
I had two tempting situations in 2012 and was very proud of the way I handled them.  A co-worker was leaving in May and on her last days she thought it would be a great idea to buy a bucket of Red Vines and bring them in as a good-bye to everyone.  She comes to my office carrying said bucket and I stopped her at the door, said no thank you and that it's a trigger food for me.  She's really sweet and didn't insist.  I walked by that bucket for over a week and it didn't bother me.  My second situation was in July or August and I was in Trader Joe's standing in line and noticed that there was a Trader Joe's brand box of red licorice. Something that I had never seen and hadn't tried, I think they were a new product.  I stared at it and started to rationalized some things in my head and then I moved forward in the line, leaving the licorice on the shelf.  I called my mother after I had gotten home and told her what happened and she stated that she was proud I didn't buy them.  I said that was a huge step for me and felt good about myself.
There are several Maintainers out there who are living without sugar, caffeine, dairy, meat, etc.  Let me know what you think; I would love to know!!
It's what works for the individual

how am I feeling...

I have been asking myself this question a lot lately, it's a part of my living consciously.  Last week was really rough for me.  The election, especially filled me with angst and I really wanted to eat more bread, more carbohydrates (popcorn).  I gave up white sugar and high fructose corn syrup (hfcs) about a year ago for the last time.  I have also given up caffeine.  For me this was a personal choice.  I inferred when I started writing here last month that it has taken me over 10 years to figure it all out (it's not really all figured out, but I started losing weight again).  It took many of the books I read and just started trying things.  Sugar makes me crave more sugar and one might say, so what, it makes me do this too.  Well, I liken food addiction to any other (insert addiction here).  Now I am not a scientist but this is what I know for me, when I eat the white sugar and/or hfcs, I do not lose weight.  It is simple math for me.  I want to live at a healthy weight subtract the white sugar and hfcs.  Again, it's a decision made by me for me.  The caffeine part was a little more trickier.  In the year 2000, I began consistently exercising and cutting back on the calories, generally trying all my old tricks to stay away from 200 lbs.  Nothing serious happened for a while and I consistently drank about 2 Venti Americanos per day, 3x3x2 shots of espresso, a habit that I had gotten into during graduate school, 1994-96. Anyway, I knew that someday I would have to give this up because I was going to get older and the heart and such.  I wasn't so much worried about the heart as I was the weight not coming off, at all!!!
Fast forward, 2011, I had to have major abdominal surgery and before the surgery my doctor asked me to give up caffeine and so I did and I have not touched a cup of coffee or espresso since March 2011, yep, cold turkey and for the last time.  I had given it up for lent a few times and when I felt the heart go extra beats but it never stuck.  I think it sort of scared me that she had to ask me to give it up before major surgery because of anesthesia and the uncertainty that comes along with that.  I willingly didn't give it a second thought.  Sometimes I drink a diet soda when I am out.  I don't fret over it because sometimes I crave the carbonation and I can find a caffeine-free type, except when out with friends.  This has maybe been 3 times over the last year and a half.  I do still love the smell of coffee and when I smell it, I acknowledge it and think about something else.  Giving up sugar, is not hard or difficult; I just have to be aware and ask questions.  I decided that white sugar and hfcs are my triggers--so none of that, but if an iced tea needs an equal or the pink packet then it's OK.  I also use natural sugar for baking, turbinado is working for me, if I do any baking, which I try not to.  I also use fresh fruit as a dessert whenever needed.  I learned this summer and I am sure that many know this, but all fresh fruit is not created equally.  The high sugar content fruits (watermelon and pineapple for me) also interfere like white sugar for my progress.  I found out this past summer when my progress stalled around the 7 month mark.  My doctor decided to have me do blood work since it had been over 6 months since beginning the program.  Sure enough, my glucose was 102, up from 82.  I admitted to eating much more pineapple and watermelon than I should but it was a hot.  I should have known something was amiss when I was craving it all the time.  It wasn't that I was gaining weight but it was that I was not losing weight, which should be a sign for people.  If you are doing most of things that you know are correct to do; you should be losing weight--if not something is off.  I don't drink coffee or tea and only drink iced tea or a diet soda at restaurants so I don't really need a sugar substitute that often.  I have been experimenting with baked goods but would like to keep this to a minimum while still on my journey.  I tend to be the type of person who listens to her body, especially weight wise.  I think being aware of triggers and letting go of things that don't allow you have successful weight maintenance is the way to go, again, I cannot stress enough, everyone is different.